A poem by Fanjan to love that is lost. She is dearly missed, by all of us
No words could ever, really explain,
what you meant to me, but this I will try.
To tell what I’m feeling, now that you are gone,
but that you took a big part of my heart, that is done
Some of the things that will hurt oh so much
No warmth of your skin, to catch my hand touch.
No shy smile in the morning, as you wake me gently.
No creative whispers, begging my attention.
Just some of the things, that I will miss oh so much
The tears that will flow when you just aren't there
as I come to the door, missing your stare.
Or the shy footsteps, as you come into my room,
and with innocent shy look, you put your foot onto mine.
These are some of the things, that tears will bring
I should've done more
I should’ve held you longer, just as a given,
and spend more time with you, for any old reason.
Walked more often, through just every season.
Some of the things, I should’ve done more
Going to the beach
less a set of footprints, from a bundle of three,
nor seeing your toes, in the sand next to me,
or watching you run, in silly ecstasy!
Some of the things, I miss already
Moving on is just so hard to do
I do not want to forget, or try to remember,
but it makes me sad, that in my mind you'll go away.
Someday I will smile, but in my heart you will stay.
But moving on, is just so hard to do
There will be guilt
There will be guilt, and this is very true,
for realising I will forget, to think just of you.
It will make me sad, and fill me with regret,
there will be guilt, for not thinking of you
Receiving comfort, is very sad still
Being touched, by others hurts oh so much.
Reminding me you’re gone, filling me with pain,
As tears fill my eyes, I just want to cry.
Being hugged, just seems too much still
Your eyes haunt me cause on that very night
as you were there lying, by the tree in the garden,
suddenly silent, with your eyes at me staring.
I failed you.
And your eyes haunt me still
I failed you
As I left you there lying, alone, ....
Rushing to fetch the others, but I just should've been yelling
Cause I knew full well, that you were busy leaving.
I failed you
I abandoned you
I walked away, in that final moment,
I was hoping the pain, would be spared from my heart,
as I went in hiding, in that dark corner garden.
I abandoned you
We buried you
but the digging, I just could not bear,
I was weak in courage sleeping, hoping to find you there.
Wishing for your smile, but you where just gone.
I failed you again
Your smell I cannot find
Put my face in your neck,
I would breathe you just in.
I miss that so much,
for your smell is already gone
Names for you, too many to mention,
names I will always, always remember.
Names I will hold dear, names that will bring fear
of pain and loss, when I do hear:
Vlooi. Pienk-e-pens. Vette-pens. Sproetneus. Platboud.
Dikstert. Malhaas. Sexy. Bruinoog. Vetvoet.
Sawwevoet. Sexy Heksie. Queen Cleopatra. Loer-oog.
Grootoog. Stinkoor. Sniffels. Miss demanding.
Bobsa. Bebsa. Issabella. My meisiekind.
These are just some of the names of you, I fear to hear.
For you a closed door, had to be opened,
by order of a foot, and soft demanding stare.
Our noses you softly nibbled, when you came greeting,
a sock grumpily held, and a chew playfully guarded.
These are just some of the reasons, I am missing you so.
And until I see you again,
with tears in my heart, I will do just my best,
to live and make you proud, and to try cry out loud.
For the love that I cannot hold in my arms,
‘n Gedig vir my meisiekind, Issabella. Groter as die lewe was sy opreg.